The · Musings · and · Thoughts · of · Anna

These two bits of information are from the same magazine issue.

"Those last 10 pounds may not be worth the headache. A recent study found that women with a body mass index of 25 to 29.9--considered overweight by the National Institutes of Health--had a 23 percent lower risk of dying from any cause withing 12 years than women who had 'normal' BMIs. WHy? 'Combined with regular exercise and eating right, being a little overweight may help protect the body as we age,' says study coauthor Mark Kaplan, Dr.P.H. Women who don't sweat their curves may remain worry-free, and 'lower stress levels and a healthy lifestyle can add up to a longer life,' he says. Want to dance at your 100th birthday party? Focus less on getting slim and more on being strong."

"4 Ways to Beat Breast Cancer:

1. Watch your weight. If your BMI is 25 or above, work to lose 10 percent of your weight."

So, you can live to be 100, but you'll get breast cancer at some point?

There are one of two things that I'd like to happen here, either 1) I decide that I'm happy at a size 10 and my body image will line up with what Geoff's been telling me, or 2) the amount of exercise I'm doing and the things I'm not eating would contribute to my body shrinking. I can't tell you how frustrated I am that I seem to be stuck in a never-ending cycle. The needle on the scale goes up a little bit or a certain piece of clothing looks worse than usual, I panic, assess my eating habits, make some changes, feel good about myself, stick with it for a while, get frustrated that it's not working, relax a bit on the eating, and then we're back at the beginning. I know that I can stick to restrictions because I've done it before, but in the past I would see it working. Now, not so much. Will it really take eating nothing but meat and veggies for me to get to a size 8? Am I ready to get that strict? Geoff and I have agreed to skip desserts for a month; will that work? What's it going to take for me to be happy about how I look?

Geoff and I had a blast visiting Jessica and Wes in Wheaton. We experienced classic Chicago food, Midwestern weather (cold and wet), had fun conversations, and made full use of public transit. :-)

Dad and Andrew came over for dinner last night, as Dad was in SF for a conference. It was quite enjoyable. I lit candles for the first time this season and it was a nice contrast with the stormy weather outside. Oh, and right in the middle of dinner, we felt a big JOLT! earthquake. It didn't rumble and shake like other earthquakes that I've experience. It was just one big bump and then it was over.

The leaves are turning colors. It's so gorgeous outside. I love Fall.

This past weekend I did something I've never done before and had a blast doing it. On Friday I took the training and test to get my general certification, and on Saturday I went to a fitness conference. I enjoyed both days very much because I was learning about a subject that I'm really interested in, i.e. fitness. I went to 4 exercise classes on Saturday: Tri Ballentone, which incorporates dancer moves into a regular workout; Bosu Core Flow, which showed workouts for the core muscles on a Bosu ball (and in my opinion, one of the best pieces of exercise equipment out there); Drums 'N Motion, a class in which the participants bang out rhythms on exercise balls with real drumsticks--so cool!; and an African dance class. Apparently, in African dance the head is supposed to follow the motion of the arms, so my neck was rather stiff the day after. Still, all the classes were a lot of fun, and I can't wait to start using what I learned in classes of my own. Unfortunately, I have to wait 4 to 6 weeks before I will find out if I passed the certification.

Humorous story: so, since I was going to be exercising all day on Saturday, I figured that I should have some sort of drink to replenish my energy, and I didn't want a sports drink (because of all the sugar), so I got a few GoGirl energy drinks. I had one around 11, and another one around 4 p.m. This, I found out later, was a terrible mistake. The conference ended at 7 p.m., at which point I showered, went to Safeway to pick up some groceries, and headed to a friend's house where I was going to spend the night. I made some dinner, watched some tv, and decided to go to bed around 9:30. My eyes, however, would not stay closed. I tried reading stuff on my iPod, I tried a myriad of sleeping positions, I tried getting up, watching tv, and then going back to bed, but nothing worked. I was wide awake. Finally, at 1:00 a.m., I decided enough was enough. The only reason I was staying at a friend's house was because I thought I'd be too tired to drive from San Jose to Pleasanton, but since I wasn't tired at all, I got up, put together a little thank you gift for my friend, packed, stripped the bed &tc., and drove home. I arrived around 2:00 a.m. and still wasn't sleepy, so I watched two episodes of Buffy on Hulu. Finally at 4:00 a.m. I was tired enough to go to sleep...for 5 hours. I figured I'd take long naps on Sunday to make up for the lack of sleep Saturday night, but nothing doing. Those stupid energy drinks had me wired. Well, now I know my mistake, and I will be keeping far away from any sort of energy drink. I think I'm still catching up on my sleep...

I don't know if he realizes it, but Geoff saved the day for me this morning. I woke up incredibly grumpy (I think it was because I was sleepy and was upset that I didn't have any Buffy episodes to watch at work), but when Geoff made a surprise visit to the gym with a half-caf nonfat cafe au lait for me, my frown turned upside-down. I feel a lot better now, so thanks sweetie!

On an unrelated note, for the first time that I can remember, I am not ready for summer weather to be over. I usually look forward to Autumn with a passion, but this year I'm dreading it a little! I think it's because I get colder easier now that I've lost 70 pounds of insulation; but still, I hate the fact that I'm dreading my second-favorite season. :-(
Maybe I need to do some cold-weather clothes shopping or something. Hmmm, maybe I'll look up some good Fall recipes. That should help.

Due to Jessica's promptings, I am posting again. So much has been going on that I just don't know where to start. I think I'll just number things to keep them all straight.

0. How do you like my new layout?

1. Andrew has been living with us since June, and it's been a lot of fun. He's working in San Francisco, so we've been spending a lot more time there since he moved in, and Geoff is loving it! Some of things we've done in the city are:
- going to the top of the Transamerican Pyramid with Rachel and Andrew (he's a security guard there) and then walking around S.F. See Facebook for pictures
- going to SFMOMA with Andrew and a friend of ours and then going to the Top of the Mark for cocktails (again see Facebook for pics)
- going to the Giants/Dodgers game on Saturday with Andrew and some friends of his. The Giants lost 1-9 (ugh), but we had fun anyway.
Andrew is hoping to find a place to live in the city and wants to be out of our place by the end of the month, but he hasn't outstayed his welcome with us yet.

2. So, I said that I would go to my friend's wedding and be happy to be a guest, but I wasn't. I hated being there, knowing that I couldn't celebrate her wedding with her the way I dreamed about when we were younger, knowing that she didn't *want* me to celebrate with her the way I wanted to (i.e. being in the bridal party). Also, when I congratulated her in the reception line, she was surprised to find out that I had never met her husband (hello? You were never available to see me when I was in town), and introduced me to him as her "childhood best friend". That right there told me for certain that she sees our friendship as a past thing. Therefore, for the past week, I have been grieving the demise of a friendship that I held quite dear. I will get over it eventually, but right now it still really hurts.

3. Rachel's 28th birthday was yesterday, and for her party she had me give her and her friends a Zumba class. It was so much fun! I was really honored that Rachel asked me to do something that involved my new identity as fitness instructor, and I had fun showing her what I can do. :-)

4. We leave for Chicago in a few weeks! I need to read up on stuff to do there...

5. In a couple weekends I will be getting my general certification so that I can teach more classes than just Zumba. I'm a little behind on my studying, so I really need to hop to it.

There, how's that?

There's this guy who works out in the gym during the first part of my shift who likes to chat during his weight sets. It has been funny to see the difference in how he talked to me when he first met me versus after he found out I'm married. The same morning that my husband came up in conversation (they were in the same cycle class), this guy mentioned that there were some cute girls in the cycle class, and just now a woman walked by and he got excited and told me she was cute.

I just find that interesting.

I have had a couple minor breakthroughs in my battle against stress this past week. First, one of the reasons I've been stressing is because I still want to lose weight, but the scale has been creeping up a bit. So, I came up with a more concrete exercise schedule as well as some guidelines to follow when I'm hungry. With these parameters in place, I no longer have to worry about whether or not I'm exercising enough or if I'm eating too much. Of course, if I keep gaining then I'll have to tighten my belt more, but this really takes away the moment-to-moment stressing that I've been doing in this area.

The other breakthrough has do with with some friendship drama. My best friend growing up had a bridal shower thrown for her this past Saturday, and I agonized for weeks about whether I should go or not, seeing as how I wasn't sure if she really cared about me any more. I finally decided to go, expecting to be ignored by her at her shower, but told myself that I'd be okay with that. We ended up having lunch together on Friday, and it was so much fun to catch up with her and talk like we used to! It felt like we were as close as we always were, which is why it hurt so much to be at her shower and be ignored just like I had anticipated. It hurt to sit there hearing her maid of honor talk about how wonderful my friend and her fiance are blah blah blah, and know that--while she says she loves and misses me--she didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid. It hurt. A lot. I was planning on spending Saturday night at Mom and Dad's house but ended up driving home at 8:00 pm because it hurt too much to be sleeping in my old room, where my friend and I spent so much time together.

And then, last night, I had my breakthrough. This girl never visited me in college, never visited me after I married. In the 9 years since I left Fresno, she has not made any sort of attempt or effort to come to me. The only times I have seen her were when I'd be down in Fresno and ask if she wanted to get together. She seemed so excited to see me this past Friday, and whenever she e-mails (hardly ever) she talks like she misses me, but she does absolutely nothing to rectify that. Therefore, she must not care. Therefore, I am wasting emotions caring about her. So, I'll go to her wedding in September and enjoy being a guest instead of being the bridesmaid that is the odd one out in the wedding party, but I won't care that she'll ignore me yet again. And when she says that she loves and misses me, I'll roll my eyes and shake my head at the empty sentiments.

The lack of stress in these areas feels wonderful.

As difficult as it can be to get up at 4:40 a.m. three days a week, I was reminded this morning that there are a few advantages of being up so early, such as getting to see the sunrise.

I have been in a mild state of stress/anxiety/panic since this past August, and frankly, I'm sick of it.

Remember the book that Catherine Morland reads in Northanger Abbey?

..."But, my dearest Catherine, what have you been doing with yourself all this morning? Have you gone on with Udolpho?"

"Yes, I have been reading it ever since I woke; and I am got to the black veil."

"Are you indeed? How delightful! Oh! I would not tell you what is behind the black veil for the world! Are not you wild to know?"

"Oh! Yes, quite; what can it be? But do not tell me--I would not be told upon any account. I know it must be a skeleton, I am sure it is Laurentina's skeleton. Oh! I am delighted with the book! I should like to spend my whole life in reading it. I assure you, if it had not been to meet you, I would not have come away from it for all the world."

Well, I just finished The Mysteries of Udolpho, and I can tell you that, while I would not like to spend my whole life in reading it, I know what's behind the veil. cue demonic laughter

Downer: I put a big huge dent+scratches into the right fender and front bumper of my car last night.

Upper: Geoff wasn't upset, and was a doll while I fell apart.

Downer: My calorie counting wasn't helping as much as I thought it would, and it was stressing me out, so I stopped.

Downer: Now I have to rebuild the will-power to keep from eating bad stuff.

Upper: I don't have to measure everything out.

Downer: I don't look like a supermodel.

Upper: I get to eat dark chocolate cheesecake.

Downer: I've been crazy busy lately.

Upper: I've been doing lots of fun stuff lately.

Upper: Geoff and I are going to Monterey this weekend for our 5 year anniversary.

Downer: My grandma's husband's funeral is this Monday and I have to get off of work to go.

Upper: I get to see Grandma and the fam.

Upper: I love my hair cut.

Upper: I'm working on some fun new routines for Zumba.

Here's a reduced-fat dark chocolate cheesecake recipe for you. Even though it's lower in fat than usual cheesecakes, it's still really rich. I don't know exactly how many calories are in each serving, but the original recipe has 526 calories (353 from fat), and I cut out a chocolate topping, so I'm guessing this is down to 300 cal./serving or so.

2 hours | 1 hour prep

SERVES 12

CRUST
Make your graham cracker crust as usual, but use chocolate graham crackers.

FILLING
2 4oz bars Ghiradelli chocolate, 100% cacao (or 70% if you don't want it quite so dark)
3 (8 ounce) packages neufchatel cheese, room temperature
1 (8 ounce) package fat free cream cheese
1 1/4 cups sugar
1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 large eggs
1/2 cup egg substitute

GARNISH
bittersweet chocolate, curls, or decorate with chocolate buttercream frosting.

FOR CRUST:.
Make according to crust recipe. Cool while mixing filling.
FOR FILLING:
Preheat oven to 350F.
Break chocolate bars into pieces, stir in metal bowl set over saucepan of simmering water until melted and smooth.
Remove bowl from over water; cool chocolate until lukewarm but still pourable.
Blend cream cheese, sugar, and cocoa powder until smooth (use a fairly powerful mixer).
Blend in eggs 1 at a time.
Blend in egg substitute
Mix in lukewarm chocolate.
Pour filling over crust; smooth top.
Bake until center is just set and just appears dry, about 30 minutes.
Cool 5 minutes.
Run knife around sides of cake to loosen.
Chill overnight.

DO AHEAD: Can be make 3 days ahead. Cover with foil and keep refrigerated.
Release pan sides.
Transfer cheesecake to platter.
Top with chocolate curls.
Serve with cherries and/or strawberries

My opinion of this gym's clientele fell to an all-time low just now when I found a wad of chewed gum stuck on the top of one of the elliptical machines' arm rest. Seriously, people. What the heck is wrong with you?

We have been very busy this past month or so. We've had something to do every weekend, and I've had a bunch of chores and errands to do at home during the week, to the point where there are little piles of clutter everywhere that I just haven't gotten to yet. I was thinking about all of this earlier this morning, and I realized that, while my life has been busier than normal, it hasn't been any busier than someone who works full time, much less someone who has kids. So, this state of exhaustion that I'm in: this is normal?

How depressing.

Geoffrey told me this morning that it has happened several times at work wherein he'll be walking outside, or getting a snack in the cafeteria, and someone will turn to him and say, "hey, aren't you married to/related to Anna, the Zumba instructor?" :-D

In other news, I had an awesome yet tiring weekend with my siblings and nephews in Clovis. I also enjoyed going to my cousin Kathleen's college graduation party (although we couldn't stay long). Every time I go to Aunt Patti's house, I'm struck by how put together it is. I wish I could decorate/paint/accessorize like Aunt Patti.

I was talking with Rachel this past weekend about how busy my schedule has been/will be, and she suggested that Geoff and I go away for a mini vacation. I liked that idea so much that I texted Geoff saying that we should go away for our anniversary, and when I got home, he met me at the door telling me that he had just finished making reservations at a hotel in Monterey! He is the best man EVER.

My brother Andrew will be moving in with us this weekend, if all goes according to plan. He has been looking for a job in Fresno for months without getting anything, so he's going to stay with us for a while and try the job market in the bay area. I've been busy this morning coming up with guidelines for the three of us to follow as we learn how to live together, along with figuring out where we're going to move furniture so that Andrew can put his bed in the second bedroom that we've been using as an office. I am both excited and nervous about this whole thing, but Andrew is pretty laid back, so he shouldn't have too much difficulty assimilating into our lives...as long as I don't get too uptight about stuff.

Does anyone have any good wedding shower games? Our small group is throwing a surprise wedding shower for one of the couples in the group, and I'm trying to come up with game ideas. You could even just tell me which games to avoid. Any help would be appreciated.
:-)

It has happened twice within the past few days where I think of some witty, clever blurb to post here, and then when I get the time to do so, I forget what I was going to write. grr.

The power was out at church last night, so the last choir rehearsal before the summer was held in the foyer, where the last of the daylight was just bright enough for us to see our music. It was kinda fun. :-)