How could a fun afternoon with family have gone so wrong? We all got together at Rachel's house to welcome Andrew back to California, Geoff's brother (and our roommate) Errol came, and Sarah brought her new boyfriend to meet the fam. Rachel made a yummy supper and we had great conversation, Dad's "gun talk" with Sarah's boyfriend went well, and the nephews were loved on by all. So why do I feel so awful when I think about it?

Possible reasons:
-Geoff felt like he should have stayed home because his to-do list was so long, so I was stressed the entire time because I knew he didn't want to be there.
-Andrew couldn't bring stuff that he wanted to show everyone (that everyone wanted to see) because I wasn't willing to drive him home to SF.
-Sarah and Mary arrived 1.5 hours late, which significantly cut down on family time. They drove 4 hours for a 3 hour visit.
-I put myself on Auntie duty, like usual, and so didn't really get to talk with any of my siblings. I think I said 5 things to Sarah's boyfriend.
-I wanted to get home before bedtime so that Geoff could get a few more things done, so I rushed the evening, cut off time that Andrew had with family, and wanted to protest when Dad suggested a prayer time. Turns out saying goodbye took so long that we got home with 15 minutes to spare. Big whoop.
-I asked S&M to bring me some of Mom's wheat, and they brought all of it. I don't have room to store 6 or 7 buckets, so they had to take most of it back. I feel badly for all the work they went to.

Happy Monday.

I am so tired of being tired! And no, I don't have an infant that is keeping me up at night.

Another run of my Beginner Fitness specialty class starts today. It kinda works that I'm so tired, because I won't have the energy to work the attendees too hard. Beginner exercisers + a tired instructor = perfect class.

I am grateful that God gave Dad a year off from working. I don't see how he could have kept up at his job while dealing with Mom's death. I often feel like I can't keep up with my job, and it is primarily sitting around, doing nothing! So, instead of being jealous that Dad can sleep all day if he wants to, I will just say that I'm grateful that God has given Dad this time off.

I set the wrong alarm last night, and just happened to wake up this morning with the exact amount of time needed to dress, throw back my hair, throw my stuff together, throw a lunch together (lots of throwing going on), and leave on time. I have nightmares of this happening, and believe me, it wasn't pleasant to wake up and see that I had less than 10 minutes before I needed to leave. The funny thing is, I looked at my alarm last night and wondered if I had set it for the wrong time, but decided not to give in to my paranoid self and check. Wrong call, obviously.

However, I haven't been freaking out all morning because of this, it hasn't ruined my day, I don't feel completely frazzled. Why, you ask?

Because I got an extra 45 minutes of sleep! Also, I got to drive to work today since Geoff wanted more than 10 minutes to get ready for work. So, now I get to drive home instead of taking the bus, which means I'll have time to work out after my shift and still get to my dentist appointment on time. Yes, my hair is a bit messy (but I like to think that my long earrings kinda make up for that), and I had to do my makeup at work, but really, this was the best pre-work morning I've had in a long time.

However, now I'll be triple-checking my alarm.

The smallest things have been affecting my moods. A rushed morning, an ill-judged comment by my dear husband, and a new (and uncomfortable!) chair at work have the tears crowding to the surface. Actually, it's mainly the chair. It's so low that my fingers are starting to fall asleep from typing this.

I haven't felt like writing here until this week, and I don't really have anything profound to say, just bits of this and that.

I've had my job for 5 years now. This is the longest I've ever held a job.

This has been and will continue to be a very difficult year.

We are enjoying a nice, cool summer.

Hawaii in 2.5 weeks!

I finally accepted this weekend that I'm more of a size 12 than a size 10. I haven't gotten any bigger, but I just can't find pants or shorts that are tens. I've also realized that I'm always going to be the biggest sister...in both families. Geoff's brothers are going to marry fit, skinny girls. How do I know this? One brother is dating a runner, and the other one likes a petite Japanese girl.

Also I slept terribly last night. whine whine, complain complain.

Rachel asked me to post something (in a round-about sort of way), so here something is:

I miss Mom.

Also, I'm a really bad homemaker. I can't make myself care about clutter and dirt and things like that. Geoff cares about those things a lot, which means that if I don't take care of them, he will, which means that he never has any free time. I'm a bad wife.

I wish I could talk to Mom about this.

I really miss her.

I was thinking about the price of gas this morning, and decided that I need to say something for posterity's sake: in the summer of 2001, I bought regular unleaded gas at a Shell station on Blackstone for 98 cents a gallon.

Apparently, eggs are no longer a bad food. Then again, they're not the best either. Maybe they're like Aslan: not safe, but still good.

I cry at sad movies, tv shows, and books. However, I don't cry as much as this woman does.

Am I socially inept?

Sometimes I feel like everyone I come in contact with is merely tolerating my presence, patiently waiting until I'm done bumbling through whatever it is I have to say so that they can turn and talk to someone more interesting.